Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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