mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
