hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
