I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
