I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
