The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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