Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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