It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
