I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
