ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
