so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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