my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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