Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
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