Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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