Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
