I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
this is an emotional support booty call
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
