then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
