I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
