if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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