I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
