We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
