Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
