this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
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I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
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I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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