Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
