She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize