I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
