so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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