my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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