I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
