Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
