I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
