I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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