just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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