I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
