I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
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Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
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When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.