my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.