Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
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