I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
