How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
