I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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