Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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