I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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