if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
