My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
