If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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