i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
