kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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