I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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