So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
