we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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