i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
