Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
