Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
