Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
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Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
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i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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