He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
