Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
