i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It was like getting head from an anaconda
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
