alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
