Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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