Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
