Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She told me I should be a condom model.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
