Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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