Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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