Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
