we have officially lost it.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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